Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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