i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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