Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
