Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
