Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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