All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
