Your dad touched me again.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
