When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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