In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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