Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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