evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
