i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
