She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
