So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Everclear isn't food dammit
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
