you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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