spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
