she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
