you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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