I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
