I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
