found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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