I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
