Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
