I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
