the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
my god I love twenty year old dicks
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize