He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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