would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
