Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
