You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
