At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
