I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
