I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
