I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
