the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
