you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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