I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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