Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
