I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
