if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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