Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
