Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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