Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
