non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
