I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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