My brain says no but my pants say off.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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