you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
