jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
