so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
