it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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