help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need a burrito and a hug.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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