I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
