well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
