she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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