you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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