I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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