david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
