im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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