how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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