Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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