Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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