Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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