well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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