I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Panties = found
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