I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
