I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
