Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
