thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I looked at my own cervix.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I did not marry a roomba.
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